Should we break up? Heart vs. Mind (Ego)

Ending a relationship can be a difficult decision to make. Sometimes we’re just not sure if it’s the right thing to do. Am I making a mistake? Before you make a decision, ask yourself the following questions.

Will ending the relationship bring me closer to a better version of myself?

We are always expanding and changing in our daily lives. Just like ageing, it’s not noticeable until a considerable amount of time later when there’s enough of a difference to notice. Ending a relationship that contributed to positive change in no way invalidates it. It may have simply run its course. It was what you needed/attracted at the time, and now how you think or feel has changed. You are not the same person you were yesterday, and you’re not the same person you were when you went into this relationship.

It is essential for us to honour who we truly are in all moments, including when who we are is changing. Sometimes this means leaving versions of your old self behind (such as a relationship) in order to give room for your new self to come into expression. When there’s a change within, our external circumstances naturally want to reflect that. It’s often one of the reasons why our relationships may no longer seem valid — there’s been enough inner change to no longer match this external reality. If you remain in circumstances that no longer match you, you will feel resistance. You will feel resistance because you may be keeping yourself in circumstances that are no longer in alignment.

This is why it’s important to ask yourself if ending this relationship will bring you closer to being your best version. Will letting go and moving on open opportunities for your life to reflect this new you?

Am I resisting personal growth?

Sometimes relationships ask us to look at ourselves in a light we aren’t comfortable with. Our bad habits, conditioned beliefs and self-serving behaviours may be mirrored back to us via our partners. More often than not, we resist seeing certain aspects of ourselves because we don’t like them (ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, etc.) In other words, we resist looking at our flaws or shortcomings and could be blaming our partners as a natural defence mechanism. Defensiveness is, after all, purely an ego mechanism. And who hates change more than the ego?¬†“Ego needs problems, conflicts and enemies to strengthen its sense of separation on which its identity depends.” (Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now.¬†“Enlightened Relationships.” London; Hodder & Stoughton Ltd, 2005. 134. Print.)

So how can I tell the difference?

It’s simpler than you may think. All that is required of you is to imagine two futures: one with your current partner, and one without. How does it feel when you picture your future without this relationship? Are the feelings restrictive or expansive?

Feelings of expansion:

  • anticipation, inspiration
  • excited, grateful
  • joy, happiness,
  • hopeful, imaginative
  • peaceful, calm
  • contentment, harmony

Feelings of restriction:

  • fear, insecurity, nervous
  • doubts, uncertainty
  • sadness, regret, disappointment
  • frustration, anger

The future you want to work towards is the future that evokes expansive feelings.¬†Expansive feelings represent your higher self (or greater good) and reflect your soul’s true desire. Remember that there are no mistakes when you are being true to how you feel. If you and your partner are truly in alignment, then moving on from each other to work on yourselves will not cut that connection. At the end of the day, when you’re ready to make a decision, it will be up to you if you will be feeding the soul, or the ego.





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