Why can’t you find the right match? Hint: it’s you.

Before we get to the core of why the relationship you want hasn’t yet manifested, it’s important to understand the mechanics of how & why they function the way they do. Within each of us is a battery, and this battery represents the masculine and feminine qualities that we express. When we look for a partner, we want someone who compliments us — the positive to our negative; white to our black; in to our out. Each individual battery has two energies/charges. These are the masculine and the feminine energies. If you draw an invisible line down the centre of our inner battery, you would be just as feminine as your are masculine, and visa-versa. There is an equal amount of masculine charge, and an equal amount of feminine charge.


The masculine charge is about OUTWARD — making things happen, taking action, moving things forward. This is often why stereotypes label the man as the chaser — the one negotiating deals or getting his hands dirty. This is why he is the protector and provider. Without this protection and support, it would be difficult to survive outwardly (think of hunter-gatherer times when protection and providing was necessary for families to survive and continue their lineage).

The feminine charge is about INWARD — emotions, surrender, acceptance, and giving birth to life in all its forms (literal, artistic, philosophical). Stereotypically, this is why the woman is often portrayed as giving in to a man’s efforts or being hard to get. He is operating outwardly (chasing) while she operates inwardly (accepting his advances or choosing to surrender to them). It’s also why traditionally women are considered to be the more nurturing parent, meeting inward needs (emotions, affections, discussions) while the father meets the outward needs (finances, fixing things around the house, protection).

Both masculine and feminine are absolutely necessary. This battery cannot exist without both charges.

So how does this relate to relationships? Let’s start with a simple example. Traditionally, the man is the breadwinner (outwards) while the woman is the mother/wife (inward). By putting these two together, you get a balanced household. Each partner brings what is necessary for this relationship to function: the man pays the bills, brings home the bacon, and makes sure his family is safe; the woman creates a home, cooks the bacon, and nurtures the family so it functions. In this example, the man alone could not efficiently sustain a family, nor could the woman. Both are necessary components for the battery (family) to exist. Together, they compose the whole: the masculine and feminine charge create a complete battery.

Unlike our example, these energies cannot be so simply separated. We understand now that masculine and feminine are not gender-specific and exist in each one of us. We are both the husband and wife, the protector and the nurturer, the outward and the inward.

In order to find the right relationship, we need to balance these charges within ourselves first, before it becomes possible to find the right match. In other words, our battery line needs to be centred.

Now let’s get more specific.

If you seem to find yourself involved with men who are very domineering, or require to have the upper hand in order for the relationship to function, it’s safe to say his battery has a more masculine charge. The invisible line is not in the centre. There is too much outward (dominance, aggression, superficial focus). So what does this say about your battery?

It says that your charge is more feminine, because it attracts charges that are more masculine.

battery fem charge

Just like the battery, the stronger one charge, the stronger its opposite needs to be in order for them to attract. The reverse is also true, just flip the batteries. The weaker your masculine charge, the weaker the feminine charge you attract.

battery opposite charge

Either way you look at it, whatever balance you have is mirrored in the partners you attract.

Ideally you want to be balanced in your masculine and feminine charges. You want this invisible line to be in the centre. That way, you will also attract someone whose line is in the centre. The result? A balanced relationship!

battery equal

By noticing where this invisible line is on the battery of the men you date, you can determine where your own line is. Once you’ve figured that out, it becomes much easier to know what you need to work on to attract the kind of man you want. Only when this invisible line is in the middle of the battery will you find a balanced relationship, because only equally-balanced batteries can be attracted. All others will be naturally repelled. Until your line is in the centre, the men you attract will mirror your current charge.

So how do you figure out which energy needs more work?

The solution is quite simple. Reflect on your relationships and dating experience. If you feel your partners were more feminine charged (inward), it indicates your feminine is in short supply. If they were more masculine charged (outward), your masculine is in short supply.

In its simplest form, think of it like this: If you want something from a man, be the opposite.

If you want a man to take charge, be more surrendering. If you want a man to be more sensitive, be more dominant. You will not attract what you already have much of, and you won’t repel what you’re in shortage of. Just remember the batteries. It’s really quite that simple.

Evaluating your past romantic experiences reveals everything you need to know about your charge. It’s also why, in retrospect, we notice changes in attraction patterns. Your battery fluctuates. The challenging part comes when making adjustments to our charge. No one said it would be easy 🙂


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